Most people hate negotiating! Do you? Some people are actually good at it, but most people aren’t. And, most of us do not like doing it at all. But, when your home is at stake, like when you are negotiating with the bank for a loan modification or other workout solution…it’s critical. And, you can be a much better tele-negotiator if you follow these nine rules. These are good practices that come from many years of tele-negotiating with opponents about foreclosure and debt settlements.

Number 1. Be sure to Control your ego

Be sure to Listen twice as much as you speak. After all, that is why you have two ears and only one mouth! When talking, you give away information. While listening, you gain information and knowledge. Ask questions leading to lengthy responses and listen to the answers.

Be just like Lieutenant Columbo, the TV Detective. Avoid playing THEIR mind games with this game of your own…question and listen your opponent into submission. “Do a Columbo” on ‘em.

Think of the other party like your son or daughter. Don’t be condescending and don’t embarrass them.

Number 2. Be sure to not let offensive remarks offend you. That’s right, they actually try to offend you. They try to distract you and put you off-guard to make you want out of the situation fast and at any cost. Do you get it? Don’t let them get to you. Hang-up in the middle of a sentence. That’s better than losing your temper and saying something you will regret later..

I’m often amazed at how much well-mannered people struggle with just hanging-up on a collection agent. Most people try to bring the conversation to a amiable, friendly close. That’s what we are trained to do from our youth. Forget that – when you need to end the call, just hang-up before you say something dumb.

Number 3. Be sure to Prepare for the Call

• Remind yourself of the opponent’s strengths and weaknesses
• Review your opponent’s motivation – what are they looking for?
• Understand the alternative outcomes and prepare for them
• Identify goals for each encounter…just before the call
• Remember that time is on your side.

Number 4. Be sure to Be willing to “Fold-em”. I mean that you have to accept that sometimes things will not go your way and be willing to accept that and end the conversation poorly. You will get the best settlements if you are patient and wait until the deal is just right.

Number 5. Be sure to be mindful of your Opponent’s pressures and needs. Don’t focus just on your own needs. The Agent needs to produce results and to keep making other calls. So, be efficient and offer to fax or email to their personal numbers. Be prompt and complete on your responses to their requests…like you want to help them.

Be sure not to condescend to your opponenst. Most people do. The agents sort of expect it, and, frankly often deserve it. Remember that they deal with angry and frustrated people all day, so be nice to them. It will help you be effective (plus, it’s just the right way to treat people!).

Number 6. Always get something in return if you must give up something. Consider each item of every offer to be “won”, and don’t let go of any without getting something in return. The opponents record every item of the negotiations, and so should you.

Number 7. Be sure to be clear about what you want. Request certain dollar amounts. Wrap rationale about your request. For instance, “it’s 31% of my household income, etc.”

Number 8. Be sure to not Lie. Enough said!

Number 9. Be sure to write things down! “He who has information wins.” Keep great records of all things said…by whom and when.